The Scoop: Lottery jackpot not a ticket to happiness
By this time next week, Tennessee lottery tickets will be on sale. And those of us not opposed to the lottery for religious reasons will have likely already bought a ticket or two.
Sure the lottery is going to benefit education. That was the story lottery supporters were spouting when they pushed for the measure to pass in 2002.
But I liken the lottery issue to the liquor by the drink controversy in McMinnville that was raging at the same time. The liquor supporters talked about how much liquor would boost the economy when we all know they just wanted a drink.
As much as the lottery will pump money into education, most folks were in favor of it because it provides a chance to get rich quick. That, after all, is what everybody really wants.
We want to have the winning $90 million lottery ticket and the life of everlasting happiness that comes with it. We want to walk into work one day, remove the cigarette from our lips, and tell our boss to “Take this job and shove it!” (And I say that with no intention of glamorizing smoking.)
We want all these things, and many more, because in the United States winning the lottery has almost become the American dream since we all want to be rich without having to work. And since that claim of earning thousands while effortlessly stuffing envelopes has turned out to be bogus, the lottery is all we have left.
If you gave most men three wishes, those wishes would be: 1) a date with Britney Spears, 2) a really big riding lawnmower, 3) a million dollar lottery ticket.
If you gave most women the same three wishes, the answers would be: 1) a date with Ashton Kutcher, 2) a really clean restroom along the interstate, 3) a million dollar lottery ticket.
The aspect I like about the lottery is now I finally, after all of these years, get to use my lottery jokes. Here goes.
Did you hear about the man who won $20 million playing the Polish lottery? He gets $20 a year for the next million years.
Or how about this one: A guy wins the lottery, rushes home, and exclaims to his wife, “Honey! I just won the lottery! Pack your bags.”
“Great,” she says. “Should I pack for the beach? The mountains?”
“I don’t care what you do,” the man fires back. “Just pack your bags and get out.”
All kidding aside, I was looking over some lottery material the other day when I ran across some information about jackpot winners in other states. Believe it or not, these lottery winners said the millions didn’t bring instant bliss into their lives. In fact, some said the money brought misery.
The primary problem, so the lottery winners say, is they are hounded by people asking for handouts. Everyone has a sob story about why they need a quick $500, and since you just won $90 million, they know you can spare the change.
“No matter how much we gave them, they always thought it wasn’t enough,” said a woman who won $8 million. She went on to say the money helped destroy her marriage. “My husband and I have since divorced and part of the reason was the money.”
That’s why some former lottery winners cringed earlier in the week when Rebecca Jemison stepped forward to claim the money herself after winning the $162 million jackpot in the Ohio lottery. “She should have hired an attorney to claim the ticket for her and remained anonymous,” said a woman who won a $4 million lottery.
Any Warren County resident who should be lucky enough to strike it rich should remember this advice: Use an attorney to set up a blind trust fund so no one can trace the money back to you. Otherwise, brace for a phone call from me because I have a sick uncle in Albuquerque who could really use a few extra dollars.
(James Clark is editor of the Standard. He can be reached at 473-2191 or by e-mail at [email protected].)