Resolutions for the new year
What an extraordinary year we had in 2003. The war with Iraq dominated the headlines. From the fall of Baghdad to the unmourned deaths of Saddam Hussein’s cutthroat sons, Uday and Qusay, to the deposed dictator’s ignominious surrender. Americans will not soon forget who was with us during the war — our British friends, among others — and who was not — our putative French, German and Russian allies.
Closer to home, President Bush signed the third-largest tax cut in U.S. history. It, along with previous Bush tax cuts, gave the U.S. economy the stimulus it needed, as third quarter gross domestic product grew an astounding 8.2 percent, the best performance in two decades.
Meanwhile, the Dow Jones industrial average climbed above the 10,000 mark for the first time in 18 months. California, the nation’s most populous state, figured prominently in the news in 2003.
Democrat governor Gray Davis was recalled by the state’s voters, who replaced him with Republican Arnold Schwarzenegger, the former bodybuilding champion and movie icon.
Then there were the wildfires that swept through Southern California, charring more than 500,000 acres, destroying more than 1,000 homes and claiming at least 17 lives. That’s the way it was in 2003.
Now let us move on to 2004, suggesting resolutions to our favorite (and not-so-favorite) headliners and newsmakers:
PRESIDENT BUSH: To remain presidential in deportment, even as I endure scurrilous attacks by Democrats lusting for my job. To win re-election by so substantial a margin, in both electoral and popular votes, that the party of McAuliffe won’t go to court, again, to contest the outcome of the election.
FIRST LADY LAURA BUSH: To keep the twins in check during the election year so that they don’t embarrass their dad (like Al Gore’s son, recently arrested for marijuana possession).
VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY: To get out on the hustings during the election year, reassuring the American people that I am fit enough to remain a heartbeat away from the presidency.
SECRETARY DONALD RUMSFELD: To neutralize remaining guerrilla elements in Iraq. To find Osama bin Laden, dead or alive.
FRENCH PRESIDENT JACQUES CHIRAC, GERMAN CHANCELLOR GERHARD SCHROEDER, RUSSIAN PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN: To acknowledge we were on the wrong side of history by opposing the liberation of Iraq. To understand that, in the wake of the Sept. 11, 2001 terror attacks, the United States will no longer stand idly by while rogue regimes develop or acquire weapons of mass destruction with which they can one day threaten or terrorize the American people.
MICHAEL JACKSON: To stop sharing my bed with children other than my own.
(Joseph Perkins is a columnist for The San Diego Union-Tribune and can be reached at [email protected].)