Nothing says Christmas like Paris

By James Clark / Columnist

I plan to continue a long-standing Clark family tradition this Christmas by giving family members gifts I actually want myself. My sister was a master of this philosophy, for years giving me Madonna and Whitney Houston albums that she wanted herself. That’s why she shouldn’t be surprised to find a cordless drill under the tree with her name on it.

While that might seem like a bah-humbug way to celebrate the holidays, at least it’s more appropriate than a Rhode Island man who decided to make Paris Hilton the centerpiece of the Christmas display outside his house.

Forget an inflatable Santa Claus. Joe Moretti, 38, decided blown-up images of Paris Hilton would be a better way to celebrate the holidays.

In one blown-up picture, Paris wears a tiny pink top that leaves little to the imagination. In another, she wears knee-high boots.

Moretti says the intent “is to be different and to be creative.” He says he doesn’t mean to offend anybody.

I suppose a man is free to decorate his yard however he likes for Christmas. It is a free country. And by doing something crazy like decorating his yard in Paris Hilton paraphernalia, Moretti gets mentioned in Business Pulse.

And here’s the offbeat story of the week. It comes to us from just outside Detroit, Mich., where a police officer is in trouble for questionable use of a Taser. What’s unusual about this case is officer Ronald Dupuis, 32, is charged with assault for using a Taser on his own partner.

According to police reports, Dupuis was in the passenger seat while his female partner, Prema Graham, was driving. Dupuis really wanted to pull over to get a drink and some snacks (imagine that from a police officer). Graham did not, and since she was driving she figured she had the final say.

Apparently not. The two briefly struggled over the steering wheel before Dupuis pulled out a Taser and shot Graham in the leg, the report said.

In what is proving to be a costly urge for a soda, Dupuis has been fired and he faces three months in jail when he goes to court.

And in today’s final tidbit, I want to tell you about a holiday gift idea you won’t want to miss. It’s a talking doll called Trailer Park Turleen that’s available online at www.prankplace.com.

The biographical information on Turleen is she has seven children and one more on the way. She’s a hard-working waitress at Bowl-a-rama who lives in a pink flamingo trailer.

Just push her belly button and Turleen says all sorts of catchy phrases such as:

“Pour me a double. I’m drinking for two.”

“Watch out, here comes a twister.”

Disclaimer: This tidbit is not intended to offend anyone named Turleen who might live in a trailer.