Dear Prudence: Afraid to become Priscilla to his Elvis
Prudie: I have been dating a wonderful man. (He’s 55, and I am 52.) He recently confided to me that one of the issues that led to the end of his previous marriage was his inability to make love to his wife after being present during the birth of their child and the fact she was now a mother. (Anyone thinking Elvis Presley?)
This man and his wife had been together for over 25 years. He was married when he first met her, and she is about six years younger than he is. They dated for several years and had been married about three or four years when she wanted a child (he did not). He was, however, enthusiastic during her pregnancy and loves this child with all his heart, and they share custody of him.
Prior to the child’s birth, they had enjoyed an active love life and traveled extensively. She apparently did everything to “entice” him back, but with no luck. Due to reading about Presley’s similar phobia and the fact I will never have more children, should I “go for it” in this relationship? We have discussed marriage on numerous occasions.
— Don’t Want To Be Another “Priscilla”
Dear Don’t: A few years ago, Prudie would have said, no offense, but you have no worries about duplicating your beloved’s previous scenario. Now, however, with Petri dishes, other women’s eggs and scientific advances, such a statement cannot be made. In any case, your relationship sounds like a safe bet on that score. You might, however, want to consider the implications of a guy with a whore/Madonna complex. That can sometimes be a sign of a not-terribly-well-integrated personality. Good luck.
— Prudie, conjugally
Dear Prudence: My dear friend, for over 30 years, received her Ph.D. nearly one year ago. I was and remain extremely proud of her. Of all my friends my age, she is the only one who chose to advance that far in her education.
However, I’ve begun to notice that she insists upon being called “Doctor” in situations where it is not entirely appropriate to correct people if they omit her “title” (like the pizza parlor). Is there something the matter with me for feeling uncomfortable when she behaves like this?
Please help. I love my friend, but I’m starting to dislike “Doctor X” immensely.
— Doctor X’s Friend
Dear Doc: Ah, memories. Prudie dealt with this once before and caught hell and heard from every Ph.D. in the country — and a few from abroad. Prudie’s personal feeling, so stated, was that the title “Dr.” be reserved for medical doctors and professors in academic settings. (Historically, it was the scholars who had the title “Dr.”) In today’s common usage, however, it’s the medical docs who seem identified with the title. Surely you know that it is your friend’s pride at having earned a doctorate that is behind all this. There may even be a soupcon of self-importance to her insistence that the honorific be used.
— Prudie, tolerantly
———
Dear Prudence is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.