We don’t need Red Lobster

Whatever happened to the dream of Red Lobster coming to McMinnville? We built new schools, rebuilt our downtown from the ground up, we even expanded our library, flossed our teeth and took a bath (most of us anyway).

However, the last time I checked, the only lobster you can get in the Nursery Capital is that fake stuff made out of who knows what.

To hear a lot of people tell it, the location of a Red Lobster restaurant here would indicate to the rest of the world that Warren County had at last made it on the map. It seemed like the driving ambition behind upgrading our infrastructure here would ultimately end with someone of culture and taste saying the words, ‘Then maybe we can get some restaurants like Red Lobster here’ as they had a wistful look in their eye. I’m sure even today, the jury is still out on the success of McMinnville, waiting for that announcement Red Lobster is locating here.

Hey, the major reason liquor by the drink passed here was the dream of getting a Red Lobster. We were told that if liquor by the drink was legalized, there’d be an influx of high-end restaurants, fighting one another to set up business here. Jack Daniels and Jose Cuervo were going to save us all, turning our sleepy little town into a bustling metropolis where people would flock from as far away as Spencer and Smithville, maybe even Tracy City. I never really realized that lobster and whisky shots go together, but hey, different strokes.

Yet, here we are, years later, still waiting on restaurant row to materialize. Where are O’Charley’s, Ruby Tuesdays, Crockets and Outback? Heck, I’d settle for a Sizzler to get the ball rolling. One thing for sure, they aren’t breaking any ground for Red Lobster. What do we have to do? We got them their liquor. We spruced up our town. We’re even expanding our community college.

So when is Red Lobster coming? Try never. While we may be interested in Red Lobster, Red Lobster isn’t interested in us. A call placed to the hallowed headquarters of the chain a while back revealed any rumor of the chain’s location here was simply that, a rumor. They couldn’t even find us on a map.

‘McWhatville’? the person from Red Lobster responded when asked about the chances of having their hallowed restaurant locate in our fair city.

Wow, now we’ll never be a real city. Those who were waiting for Red Lobster to announce we’d made the big time by locating here need to go ahead and pull the trigger on that house in Murfreesboro. In that way they’ll be closer to a Red Lobster and civilization. Of course, with the prices they charge at Red Lobster, you might want to finance the house over 30 years to be able to pay for your meal.

You know what I have to say to Red Lobster? Get lost. You can take your overpriced seafood and keep on moving because we don’t need the likes of you in our town. Red Whatster? I’d rather eat at J’s, La Cazona, Peking, Andy’s or Gondola any day, rather than ponying up a paycheck to eat at your precious Red Lobster.

Hey, McMinnville, be happy with what you have. Contrary to popular belief, there are enough restaurants already in Warren County that you could eat at a different place every day for a month and still not sample all the places we have.

Duane Sherrill is a reporter for the Standard. He can be reached at 473-2191 or by e-mail at [email protected].