Reflections on Father’s Day

Father’s Day is a day we set aside to honor those who deserve to be honored.
Ironically, Father’s Day as we know it was started by a woman, Mrs. John Bruce Dodd, of Spokane, Wash., way back in 1910.
Nearly 100 years later, we still pause to pay homage to our fathers, even as the term itself has undergone changes of a magnitude Mrs. Dodd and her generation would find hard to fathom and frightening to behold.
Indeed, the concepts of father, mother and family have undergone radical changes in recent decades. Their traditional roles have given way to a dizzying array of living arrangements, including unwed parents, same-sex parents, others as parents, and blended families.
In 1960, married couples made up about 74 percent of U.S. households.Since then, that percentage has declined steadily. It now hovers at barely 50 percent. Meanwhile, the percentage of unmarried couples has increased nearly fivefold. The percentage of same-sex parents has also risen dramatically in recent years.
Whether all this represents forward progress or further descent into a permissive society depends, like most things, on your point of view. For example, if you believe, with Sen. Hillary Clinton, that ‘It takes a village to raise a child,’ chances are you have no problem with agents of the state prescribing parental parameters on spanking your child, or on other intrusions into your family life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I reject the collectivist notion that the village or community is what it takes to raise a child. Collectivism is the polar opposite of individualism, with all that implies about individual responsibility. Sure, fathers, mothers and their families need community support for basic and learned needs, such as safety, security and educational opportunities. All these and more are necessary, but not sufficient, for raising a child to be a useful, productive adult citizen.
Instead, the ultimate responsibility for raising our children rests, not with the community, but with the parents or parent, wed or unwed. Parental responsibility includes setting standards of discipline, conduct and performance for our children.
This is especially hard for single moms, but I’ve seen countless, inspirational examples of them rising to the task in a labor of love for their children.
Contrary to some contemporary psychobabble, children are not ‘little adults,’ equal to their parents in every way but age and size. They need direction, guidance and even discipline, to reach their potential. They learn better by example than by exhortation. ‘I’ve Been Watching You’ is not just a hit song. It is a time-honored truth about how children learn ‘ good and bad ‘ from their parents.
So, as we pause to honor our fathers this year, please remember our military families, including those wives, mothers and others who continue a family tradition of filling in for the father when needed, and ‘taking up the slack’ with energy and enthusiasm. Their double duty deserves our admiration, respect and moral support, too.
Retired Army Col. Thomas B. Vaughn can be reached at [email protected].