Robservations – Picking up Dale?s golf gauntlet

A couple of Wednesdays ago, fellow sports scribe ?Dangerous? Dale Stubblefield used this very space to once again throw down the golf gauntlet.

As shocked as I was by his condescending language when describing my game (?finally picked up a rare win??), The fact that a man of his advanced age could actually remember that I had defeated him ? or remember that we had played, or my name, for that matter ? was somewhat impressive.

Yes, I?ll admit, Dale has come away with the lower score on more than his fair share of our trips to the course. But when you consider the fact he has tees in his bag older than I am, the experience factor alone should weigh heavily in his win-loss ratio.

And while he may finish with more Mulligans than the city of Dublin, and might employ the ?winter rules? to get out of the rough three or four (or five or six) times per hole, I?m not going to come right out and say Dale cheats.

Or wait; maybe I am going to come right out and say that.

But there?s one thing I won?t say about Dale?s golf game. At no time, during any round he and I have played together on any of the fine courses around this area, have I known Dale to relieve himself in anything other than a legitimate restroom facility.

That may not seem like a big deal, until you consider the story of Oak Ridge resident Delisa Schubert, who has captured video of golfers during the past year making water near her house, which is located by the 18th hole at the Tennessee Centennial Golf Course.

Schubert was naturally fed up with the display of often-inebriated duffers emptying their beer-filled bladders within sight of her house, and was advised by local law enforcement to put her camcorder to use, figuring the embarrassment of being caught on tape would cause golfers to shape up ? and zip up.

But I guess when you?ve got to go, you?ve really got to go. Because Schubert said she?s taped over 40 players during the past year, and recently sent some of the video to local news stations.

?Many times I would say, ?You?re on camera,? and they’d keep right on going. They?d yell and scream obscenities at me,? Schubert told the Associated Press.

Golfers, here?s a suggestion. Find a bathroom, or at least find a thick stand of shrubbery to get behind. Cover your shame, before it winds up on CNN.

Fortunately, as for Dale and myself, we won?t be caught on tape doing anything more embarrassing than shanking an iron shot, or leaving a three-foot putt two feet short. But when we hit the links this spring and summer, there might be a few instances of yelling, especially when Dale?s ?bad back? or ?hurt wrist? act up and he drives the ball 150 yards. Or when I hit a worm-burner and send my wedge whipping through the air like a boomerang.

But the real yelling will come at the end of the round, as Dale is adding up the score totals and finding out that even with all the Mulligans, and kicks, and drops, and ?found? balls in the rough, and shots that just didn?t count because ?I?m just going to hit another one,? I still clipped him by a few strokes.

Of course, the way I play, if I do beat him it?ll come as such a surprise I might lose control and have to run to the little duffers? room ? or at least take a quick look around for video cameras.