Dear Margo – Couple needs to be apart

Dear Margo: My girlfriend and I started dating during our senior year in high school, and now we’re both freshmen in college. Recently, my girlfriend went to a party with friends, and afterward expressed that she felt left out because her friends were dancing with other guys while she was unable to.

She asked if we could be in an open relationship so she could experience “college life” while still keeping our relationship intact. I agreed, as long as she kept me informed about what she was doing with other guys. Fast forward a few days, and she tells me that she danced with and made out with some 25-year-old guy (we’re both 18) at a party after having a few drinks.

I’ve told her that I feel hurt, but she says making out with me is different because it expresses love, while making out with someone else is just an activity. We’ve talked about the possibility of breaking up, but we would both prefer to stay in the relationship and somehow make it work.

I’m still very much in love with her, and I don’t want this relationship to end. Any advice would be appreciated.

? Confused Freshman

Dear Con: For your well-being and hers, both of you should date others so you will have some basis for comparison, and this girl clearly wants to experience what she thinks of as “college life.” Young people should not have to work at a romantic relationship.

If I were you, I would drop the condition of getting reports on what she’s doing with other guys because, one, it’s not your business and, two, it will not do your head any good.

And take it from your old auntie: Classifying making out with the designated boyfriend as expressing love but merely “an activity” with other people sounds like a bit of a line.

? Margo, analytically

Dear Margo: My mother now lives in an assisted-living facility. She lost her ability to manage her day-to-day affairs and also seems to have lost quite a bit of her memory. She will be 82 shortly and still believes that her parents are alive. (The most recent loss was 25 years ago.)

I live closest to her and see her on a regular basis, and also bring her over to my house for short day trips. Mom had been living in a condo after downsizing from a rather large family property that had been her home for almost 50 years. The condo was sold recently, and my brother and I (the only children) put the remaining furniture into storage. I brought some pieces to my house.

Mom thinks she is just staying at a hotel now and will be going home soon. Some days she insists that the furniture in her room belongs to the “hotel.” When she comes to visit, what should we say if she should notice I have the sofa, loveseat, cut glass, etc., that were in her condo?

My sister-in-law thinks Mom won’t remember. I say that if she does remember, I am in a jam. I don’t want to upset Mom or lie to her. What to do?

? Hoping for the Best

Dear Hope: I think your sister-in-law is right, and, also, it sounds as if your mother’s memory loss is on the fast track. If she does notice objects that look familiar and asks about them, you can gently say, “Yes, Mom, they are just like yours.” No involved explanation necessary.

The good thing about short-term memory loss is that your mother won’t remember she asked the question, and she won’t remember the answer either. That is the merciful side to this heartbreaking disease.

? Margo, acceptingly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.