When a teenager is off the rails

Dear Margo: When my daughter was 14 she met a boy who, by his own admission, belonged to a gang and had committed several crimes. She became totally enamored of him and “fell in love.” I believed she was too young to have a boyfriend and forbade her to see him outside of school, where I had no control.

She is now 16, and we have moved 900 miles away. She calls him every night at 9:01 without fail. A few nights ago, she finally went to a school function. (She had been refusing to participate, saying she was not comfortable and didn’t have any friends.) The event did not end until 9:30. As soon as she got out, she immediately tried to call him. He refused to answer the phone.

When she finally got ahold of him, he told her he was through with her because she was cheating on him, didn’t really love him, etc. He breaks up with her over the phone or e-mail at least once a month. She cries and calls him constantly, begging him to take her back. No matter where we are or what we are doing, she leaves to call him at exactly 9:01.

We have tried counseling, but she lies, so that has not helped. She has goals for her future, such as college. I asked how this gangster fit into her plans, and she acted like she didn’t understand the conflict. I told her that her attraction to “wounded birds” will only end in misery.

My daughter admits she just isn’t attracted to “good guys” because they don’t need her like the hurt ones do. I’m at my wits’ end. I don’t want her to run away to be with this jerk, but I don’t want her to hate me, either. Do you have any advice for me? ? Mom

Dear Mom: A “wounded bird,” huh? This kid sounds more like a jailbird in the making. Your daughter needs to understand that a criminal gang member is not a candidate for her makeover and that you, as her mother, are forbidding her to have any further contact with him.

Just for good measure, YOU might call him at 9:01 and tell him to find someone new as the sometime object of his affections, because you are putting a stop to this folie a deux.

Tell your daughter that as long as she’s living under your roof, your rules prevail.

If by some unfortunate chance she does run away to be with him, she will be back. ? Margo, strictly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.