Sister-in-law allowed to cause problems

Dear Annie: I have a sister-in-law I just CANNOT stand. “Penny” is arrogant, selfish and greedy, and has nothing nice to say about anyone but herself. She has caused a lot of grief between my husband and me, because I refuse to go anywhere if she’s involved.

I have tried to play the sweet sister and talk with Penny, invite her along with me to functions and treat her like a friend. But when I get home, I feel totally drained, she takes so much out of me. Her negativity is like a dark cloud.

I’ve tried to ignore Penny’s annoying traits for my husband’s sake and accept her for the backstabbing liar she is, but it isn’t working. My husband knows what his sister is like and what I have to put up with. He notices how angry she gets when I am not at her beck and call. Sometimes he just wishes I could be straightforward and tell her how rude she is. I would love to tell this girl off, but she can spin stories far, far, far from the truth, and the next thing you know, I’d have the aunties and grandparents knocking on my door.

Penny has absolutely no friends. Her cousins stay a mile away, leaving me, the sister-in-law, as the only person she can talk to or go anywhere with. How do I tell her how I feel without hurting my husband? — Fed Up With Sister-in-Law

Dear Fed Up: You don’t have to tell her how you feel. That would undoubtedly offend her and would cause tremendous damage. What you need to do is be less available in the most polite way. You are “too busy” to chat right now, so terribly sorry. You have “another commitment” and can’t go shopping, it’s really too bad. If you are unfailingly friendly, while keeping your distance, she will have nothing to pin on you. In exchange, please do not avoid family functions where Penny is involved. If you see less of her the rest of the time, you should be able to tolerate her on those necessary occasions.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.