Dear Prudence: You’re wise to wait till divorce is final
Dear Prudie: I met a guy about four months ago, and we hit it off wonderfully. I like everything about him (so far), except for the fact that he is still married. He’s separated for sure (I checked with mutual friends), but I consider that still married and not available and told him when he’s free we could pursue a relationship.
There are no guarantees that either of us would be available then, considering the length of time divorce takes in California (at least six months) and that divorce papers were just recently filed. (Again I checked; it’s public info!)
We do not see each other but do e-mail now and then, mostly just saying “Hi, I’m thinking of you” kind of things. In the meantime, I have met another guy who is great, definitely single and is crazy about me. And I should be crazy about him, except he’s not guy No. 1. I know that if I had never met guy No. 1, I would be more interested and excited about guy No. 2.
Since I won’t compromise on the separated/married thing, do I wait five months and see what happens when, or even if, guy No. 1 is free? Or do I get him out of my head, somehow, and give guy No. 2 a fighting chance? I know this sounds so darn high school, but we are all in our mid- to late 40s. — Bakersfield, Calif.
Dear Bake: Prudie admires your scruples and suggests you make a “fate bet.” Because you wisely choose not to dally with a guy who could be married for quite a while — for whatever reason — why don’t you proceed with No. 2 as if there were no No. 1? See where things go. If he is not your heart’s desire when/if No. 1 sheds the Mrs., you will have given yourself every advantage in making up your mind.
This has nothing to do with the “bird in the hand” thing . . . it is merely a rational way to play out your situation. And who knows? It is entirely possible that a Mr. Perfect No. 3 could wander into the picture. Good luck.
— Prudie, alternatively