Robservations: ABC’s plan works like a charm
When you make a big boo-boo, there’s nothing more you need to do than apologize.
No matter how big the gaffe, no matter how many people are upset by it, just issue a nice, vague “my bad,” and everything will be OK. Look at the latest controversy in the NFL, for instance.
For those of you who have been spelunking for the last five days, ABC kicked up quite a stink Monday night with the opening segment of its “Monday Night Football” contest.
In the segment, Philadelphia receiver Terrell Owens has a locker room encounter with “Desperate Housewives” star Nicolette Sheridan, during which the apparently undressed supermodel-turned-actress leaps into the Eagle wideout’s arms, convincing him to skip the night’s game.
By the way, Sheridan — based on the clip I watched — may have appeared to be naked, but she was still showing much less actual flesh than your average NFL cheerleader.
Nevertheless, since the broadcast, everybody — ABC, the NFL, Owens, the Eagles, everybody — has had to give an apology.
“We have heard from many of our viewers about last night’s ‘MNF’ opening segment and we agree that the placement was inappropriate,” ABC said in its Tuesday-morning statement.
They agree? Weren’t they the people who ran the segment the night before? Didn’t they watch it before they ran it? And if so, and if they agreed it was inappropriate, why did they run it?
The answer’s simple: Because they didn’t care if it was inappropriate until their viewers told them it was. They knew good and well what they were doing, just like they knew there would be cries of outrage from the public. They also knew all they’d have to do to soothe that public was offer an apologetic statement, and everything would be OK. They’d still have the publicity for both “MNF” and “Housewives” they wanted, and their consciences would be clear.
That’s how it works with the American public. There will be no boycotting of “Monday Night Football,” no protests demanding network executives lose their jobs. Oh, sure, there might be a fine from the FCC — somebody’s got to make a federal case out of it, after all. But let’s face it. ABC can shrug off a fine with little or no problem.
And from now on, any mention of the “MNF” opening, or the “Desperate Housewives” show, will bring to everyone’s mind that oh-so-offensive few minutes of television. And even more people will watch both shows, just to see what they try to get away with next.
It’s a good plan, actually. And it works every time.
Think about the Super Bowl. Remember that little “wardrobe malfunction” Baby Jackson had during halftime? (Oops, I forgot. Her first name ain’t Baby. It’s Janet — Miss Jackson if you’re as nasty as she is.)
I’m sure you recall the event, where what has to be a very painful, and private, piercing was suddenly broadcast for the world to see. But do you remember the aftermath of that event? What happened?
Everybody apologized, everybody issued their statements, and this year — watch and see — more people will tune in for the Super Bowl halftime show than ever before.
It’s a con job, plain and simple. Do something outrageous, then say you’re sorry, and you’re the talk of the town.
Of course that’s just my opinion. I may, of course, be wrong. In fact, I may have offended some readers with this whole topic.
If that’s the case, I apologize.