Robservations: A flash that will live in infamy
You can always count on something popping up to discuss in your weekly dose of Robservations.
Or, as in this week’s case, something popping “out.”
After one of the most exciting Super Bowls in recent history, featuring a 300-plus yard passing performance and climaxing with a gut-check field goal, the talk all over the nation on the morning following the game wasn’t about Brady or Vinatieri, or even about the always-cool commercial breaks.
Instead, Justin and Janet solidified their status as first-name-only celebrities, with an impromptu flash during the halftime show.
The resulting hype has made the game itself pale in comparison. Was it an accident? Was it planned? Will they be banned from ever being on TV again?
You all have your opinions, I’m sure. And after looking at — oops, I mean looking into — the incident for a week, I’ve finally reached my own conclusions.
First, let’s clarify. I understand the offensive nature of Janet’s bearing her all — or at least, half of her all — on a national TV broadcast. So before you accuse me of making light of such a heinous act, keep this in mind: I make light of just about everything.
Now, as for this being an accidental “wardrobe malfunction,” that theory goes over like a lead balloon with me. Splitting your pants, now that’s a wardrobe malfunction. When someone rips off the clothing you have covering one of your naughty bits, and your naughty bit is seen by the world because of it, that was their intent. There was no malfunction to it.
So, that leads us to whether or not the flash was a planned event. Let’s think about this: At the instance Justin sang “I’m gonna have you naked by the end of this song,” he did, in fact, have Janet in a state of undress.
If that’s not planned, it’s one heck of a coincidence, don’t you think?
Now, regarding what will happen to this dirty little duo. When it comes to punishment, you can pretty much count that out. They’re celebrities, after all, so they’ll probably just be able to let their oh-so-heartfelt apologies stand on their own.
Most likely, once all the outrage dies down, the end results will be favorable for both parties involved. Janet’s new album will go on to sell more copies than it would have before her pierced flesh went public, and Justin will finally escape the stigma he got from being a pretty boy in N’Sync.
And finally, who is to blame for this incident?
We all are. For years, the Super Bowl has been the pinnacle of entertainment in America. It’s the highlight of television viewing for every household, and the bar to make it exactly that has been raised higher and higher each and every season.
The commercials have to be flashier, they have to be more expensive. The national anthem ceremony has to tug your heartstrings, and the halftime show has to really seal the deal, because every network that can’t show the game throws together some 20-minute bit of entertainment to try and steal viewers away to their channel.
But don’t worry, fans of family entertainment. I’ve not only recognized the problem, I’ve formulated a solution. For next year’s halftime show, let’s go in a totally opposite direction.
Two words: Merle Haggard.
Think about it. He’s a legend. His legions of fans will send ratings through the roof. And the only thing you’d have to worry about popping out on the “Okie from Muskogee” might be his false teeth.