Robservations: Older? Yes. Wiser? You be the judge
For those of you who might not have received your “Robservations” Fan Club newsletter, today is my birthday.
And, as usual on this joyous occasion, I try to find time to reflect on where I am in my life, and where I could — or should — be.
Often, I’ve found it helps to measure myself against the accomplishments of other historical figures. For example, by the time he was my age, Babe Ruth had only hit 356 home runs — just under halfway to his long-standing record of 714.
Sammy Sosa, on the other hand, had connected for only 336 round-trippers before his 31st birthday.
Barry Bonds? A paltry 292. Mark McGwire? A measly 238.
But Bonds is still playing. So, technically, I’ve still got time to put together a few good seasons, maybe even creep up into the all-time top 30 or so on the homer list.
On the other hand, Emmitt Smith had rushed for 15,166 yards before he turned 31, and was just two seasons removed from being the NFL’s all-time greatest back. I don’t think I’ll be able to come close to that, even if I signed tomorrow with a team determined to give me 40 carries a game.
I’m not even going to bring up Tiger Woods — although I did feel a little like him when I threw that 90 on Stubblefield a few weeks ago at Old Stone Fort.
So the chances for really stellar athletic accomplishments may be gone. But I haven’t done that badly for myself, if you look at these examples:
Mike Tyson, Daryl Strawberry, Rae Carruth had all done serious time by the time they reached their 31st year. Ray Lewis still isn’t that old, and has already been arrested for, and acquitted of, murder.
By the way, Bill Buckner was 36 years old before he became the laughing stock of the major leagues, as well as the bane of all Bosox fans’ existences. I’ve still got time to reach that lowly state, unfortunately.
As a service now to those of you who are (or, like me, just think you are) getting near the crest of that hill, ready to plunge over it, I offer this bit of solace, courtesy of an e-mail I received from a friend yesterday.
Advantages Of Growing Older:
• Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
•?Kidnappers ignore you.
• People no longer think you’re a hypochondriac.
• Your eyes won’t get much worse.
• You’re no longer expected to run into a burning building.
• There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
Well, there you have it. Maybe there is an up side to this aging process. Sure, I may not have put up Hall-of-Fame style numbers yet, but on the other hand, no one begs me to do much heavy lifting, and I’m almost to the point where I’m allowed a nap when I want to take one.
On yet another hand, I did get an “Incredible Hulk” birthday cake, so it’s not like I’m completely over the hill.
By the way, any belated gifts may be delivered to the Southern Standard offices on College St. As always, remember cold cash is the gift that keeps on giving — at least through the weekend.
(Hey, if Duane can get a deal on a car out of the nonsense he writes each week, surely I can get a couple of bucks.)