Robservations: Hogging up your Friday sports page
It’s Pig day, as I’m sure by now you’ve gathered.
It’s that one day a year when you, gentle reader, get to strain your eyes — and your brain — and count all the times in today’s edition of your Southern Standard where the words “pig,” “pigs,” “hog” or “hogs” are used.
Well, not to be a non-conformist, let me just say this.
Pig.
Pig, pig, hog, pig.
Wait, this is a sports column. I’d better be relevant.
I’d better use phrases like “pigskin,” or “ball hog.” Or maybe I can tell you about how when there’s a fumble during a Warren County football game, the Pioneers don’t yell “ball, ball, ball.”
Instead, they yell (you guessed it), “Pig! Pig! Pig!”
Well, that’s probably enough Pig Day participation to keep your friendly neighborhood sports editor’s bacon out of the fire (bacon doesn’t count, by the way.)
But just in case… Pig.
Yep, that ought to do it.
• On to more non-porcine topics…
Talk about a role model for today’s youth.
New York Yankees pitcher David Wells has an autobiography coming out soon, during which he recounts the perfect game he threw against the Twins back in 1998.
During that historic outing, it seems, the portly hurler was “half-drunk, with bloodshot eyes, monster breath and a raging, skull-rattling hangover.”
Gee whiz, Dave. What a sweet story.
It seems Wells, a man known for his large appetites, large waistline and fondness for Babe Ruth memorablia had a few too many at a “Saturday Night Live” cast party the night before he pitched against Minnesota.
But with just a short amount of sleep, Wells describes how he battled the poisons circulating within his system, headed to the ballpark and somehow managed to stymie 27 Minnesota batters in a row.
So, what’s the lesson young players can learn from this? I guess if you get to hang out with the cast of “Saturday Night Live” before a game, let’s hope you’re playing the Twins the next day.
Or maybe, another lessson we can learn from Wells’ obvious drunken bit of luck would be, even a blind (or drunk) hog finds an acorn now and then.
• On the other end of the spectrum, it appears baseball might actually be taking steps to get some of the chemicals out of their players’ bodies. The key word there, though, is might.
Players with minor league contracts have been prohibited from taking ephedra, the chemical found in many diet supplements that has been linked to Baltimore pitcher Steve Bechler’s death.
Of course, that’s just the minor leaguers. As for those on the 40-man major league rosters, there’s no ban because of the Players Association’s collective bargaining rule, which states only drugs of abuse and certain illegal steroids are to be banned.
I guess any step forward is a step to be commended. But I still can’t understand why Major League Baseball refuses to give in and totally ban ephedra — which, by the way, has already been banned by the NFL, NCAA and International Olympic Committee.
Yes, ephedra is legal. And the players’ union contends it should be allowed to take any legal substance. But this stuff will kill you — just like it killed Bechler — if you abuse it, or if your body isn’t in good enough shape to handle the way it acccelerates your metabolism.
How many more Corey Stringers and Steve Bechlers have to be carted off preseason practice fields before every major sport, on every level, bans this stuff for good?
Apparently, at least one more than we’ve had.