I’d be a strong candidate for judge:I don’t have a law degree, but I would have justice
Nowadays, the hip trend sweeping the nation is to run for political office, but stress you’re not a politician. It became the so-called “in” thing to do about a decade ago when so many our leaders in Washington were caught in one compromising position after another.
I suppose anti-political sentiment reached its peak recently with the murder investigation surrounding U.S. Rep. Gary Condit. Just when we’d all grown accustomed to politicians lying to us and cheating on their spouses, now they’re committing murder.
That’s why few folks want the label “politician” associated with their name, so they sidestep the issue. How many times have we heard this sort of statement: “I’m no politician. I’m just an everyday guy who is tired of the way things are going and who wants to make a difference.”
It’s with that in mind, I’m thinking of throwing my name in the hat as one of the candidates to replace Circuit Court Judge Charles Haston. I’m no lawyer, but I used to watch an awful lot of “Matlock” episodes so I figure I know the law as well as anyone.
If elected, I promise to run my courtroom just like a “Matlock” episode. I’ll wear the same, gray suit every day. The witnesses will always crack on the stand and admit to everything. And the person charged with the crime will never be the one who actually did it. There’s always a surprise twist at the end which allows the defendant to escape many years in prison.
Which brings me to my next main point. If elected, I promise to have every case tried in one hour’s time. Everything will begin to neatly wrap itself up after the last commercial break.
There will be no exceptions, unless we have a “to be continued” episode. When that happens, the case will resume exactly one week later and begin with a brief 30-second roundup containing the best scenes from last week.
All things considered, I’m the best candidate for the job. I’m no lawyer. I’m just an everyday guy who wants to make a difference and who wants to make about $100,000 a year.
And the best part is when I walk in the courtroom, some bailiff will announce, “All rise for the honorable James Clark.” This is a practice I’ve long tried to implement here at the office, but for some reason, my co-workers refuse to rise when I walk into the news room.
I especially like the phrase “the honorable James Clark.” It sure beats other adjectives I’ve heard put in front of my name.
So there you have it folks. There’s my platform. I don’t have a degree from Vanderbilt, but I have been known to watch “Law & Order.”
This election season, vote Clark – the voice of justice. I’m no lawyer, but I am a business writer so I better bring you this week’s Business Pulse.
Teddy bear shop coming to Main Street
If you’ve ever wanted to make you own teddy bear, but didn’t know where to turn, a new business is coming to Main Street which will solve all your stuffed animal problems.
Duane Schmaltz and his wife, Janet, will soon open Smoky Mountain Teddy Bear Factory in the building which used to contain Touch O’ Klas.
The factory is pretty much like it sounds. You will be able to select the size, color and hair length, among other features, and make your own teddy bear in 15 to 20 minutes.
“I was looking for a business and my wife and I stumbled on this,” said Duane, who used to work for Powermatic as some kind of computer wiz. “You can stuff the bear yourself or we have a machine that can do it for you. And each bear comes with its own birth certificate.”
I think the idea is ingenious. It reminds me of the Build Your Own Sundae Shoppe that I used to frequent in college. I’d go in and after about 15 or 20 minutes at the toppings bar, I’d have the perfect ice cream sundae with hot fudge, whipped cream and those little sprinkles.
That’s sort of the concept behind Duane’s teddy bear factory, which he hopes to have open early next month. He’s currently got his web site up and running at teddybearfactory.com. He can also bring his portable teddy bear factory to special parties and functions. He’s already been to Eastside School, among other places.
If you want more information, you can call Duane at 815-9065, or you can read Business Pulse for news about his store opening. I think it will be a great addition to downtown.
H&M Hardware opens, then closes
After opening for about a week, I’m sad to report H&M Hardware has already closed. Apparently, there was some conflict regarding the septic tank and owners Herman and Mae Workman weren’t going to invest any more money in the store.
“People have come up to us and asked what they can do to get us back open, but there’s really nothing,” said Mae. “It’s going to cost us about $6,000 for a new septic tank and we’ve already put what we had into the store so we can’t do it. That’s why we just decided to shut it down.”
Mae and Herman had grand ideas for the hardware store which was located toward Rock Island. They even went before the County Commission to get a beer permit.
They wanted to create an old-timey, trading post atmosphere where folks could kick back on the front porch and play checkers or cards if that’s what they wanted to do. “Times have gotten too fast and we wanted to take people into the past,” said Mae.
It was a good idea, but one which only lasted a week or two.
More mental health help is available
Psychiatric nurse practitioner April Rumage has decided to go out on her own and open a private practice with her family called Rumage Behavioral Health Services. Along with her husband, Michael, and son, Jordan, the three will run the office located on South Chancery Street.
“I usually work with people who are self referrals,” said April. “They realize they are having problems and come in for an appointment.”
April says depression is one of the major disorders she treats, but she also deals with other problems such as anxiety disorder or bi-polar, to name two. She is currently seeing patients on Mondays and Saturdays and will go full time April 8. She also takes TennCare.
April said in today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to get out of whack mentally. She treats people who are dealing with alcohol or drug addictions and says she has seen a number of people trying to work their way through problems with meth, which can also lead to depression.
“Depression is defined as being low down or sad for over a two-week period,” said April. “If you’ve had a death in the family, for example, you should begin to rebound in two weeks. If you don’t recover, depression can get to the point where you hear voices.”
Whatever your needs, April plans to give her patients personal care. She said at the last place she worked, patients were shuffled in and out rather quickly and there often wasn’t enough time to give patients in-depth care when needed.
“I’ll stop taking appointments at 5 p.m. every day, but I’ll be here until 6,” said April. “I want to have that extra hour available in case anybody needs it.”
April also said she’s happy to have Michael working with her in the office, instead of patrolling the streets as a police officer.
“You don’t feel too comfortable when your husband goes to work wearing a bullet-proof vest,” she said.
For more information, or for an appointment, you can call Rumage Behavioral Health Services at 507-2300.
Home Builders gear up for three-day show
It’s almost that time again when the Warren County Home Builders Association holds its three-day home show at McMinnville Civic Center.
I always look forward to the home show and this year is no exception. Organizers estimate the last home show produced $2.5 to $3 million in revenue for the local construction industry.
The dates and times for this year’s show are as follows: Friday, April 12 from 5-9 p.m.; Saturday, April 13 from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m.; Sunday, April 14 from 1-4 p.m.
That’s all folks
If you’ve got more business news, give me a call at 473-2191 and ask for the honorable James Clark. If you don’t want to do that, my e-mail is standard@blomand.net. Please send all e-mails to the attention of the honorable James Clark.
I’m not trying to be arrogant. I’m just trying to get used to the sound of my new title if I’m elected the next Circuit Court Judge.