The View From Here: Baby becomes ‘The Boss’
Forgive me, but I have a baby whom I like to call “The Boss.”
The Boss is an appropriate name, even for a creature so small. If you think about your work boss’ influence then compare that to your baby’s, you have an idea of the power The Boss wields.
The Boss basically tells you how you are going to live your life for the next several years. He or she determines the amount of sleep you’ll get, dinnertime and what you’ll be wearing that day. I realized this one day when I was five minutes from walking out the door and he threw up all over my shirt. He’s even obviously determining my thoughts.
Given the time span between my two children, I noticed significant changes in the baby product world compared to 1993. If there was ever a time to have a baby, minus the global environment, it is now.
There is no shortage of equipment to help out the new parents. We have everything from bouncy seats, swings, less cumbersome infant car seats and lighter strollers, not to mention thermometers that do not have to be inserted into unmentionable places.
We have bottle warmers, wipe warmers, rear-view seat mirrors, infant head supports, baby carriers, baby monitors and toys galore. My favorite is the shake and rattle toy. The baby shakes the rattle and independent from that, the bear shakes, sings and lights up. That’s just neat. But if it doesn’t take batteries or make noise, well, it’s just not worth buying, apparently.
Thankfully, somebody finally listened to the gripes of every mother who wanted the equipment to work better. No more busting knuckles on latches that won’t give or breaking nails on outlet covers when you want to plug in the vacuum cleaner so the baby does not eat whatever made its way to the carpet. And that is a lot, considered our mothers and grandmothers made do with a lot less, even though they would have to concede it is better to have a baby right now.
Given all the technological advances, information and equipment available, my gripe might seem minor. But my gripe, nevertheless, is about the amount of junk mail for formula and diapers I received after the corporate community learned I was expecting.
Six months before giving birth, the bulk mail marketing blitz started. It has been nine months and the information keeps on coming. Shortly after giving birth, I spent no less than an hour sorting through all the advertisements and coupons I got for things I will never use. It was especially funny to get formula coupons for the nursing mom. And just yesterday I received another coupon. It wasn’t one sheet, but a wallet-style packet that folded out clear to the floor when I opened it.
That would have been OK until I realized the company was anticipating stages in The Boss’ life. No longer do I get newborn diaper coupons, but ones that are looking forward to me buying disposable potty training pants.
After sorting through it to get to the bottom line, I learned I would save exactly 35 cents on my next package of diapers. At six to eight diapers for approximately two years, it seems like the diaper people would have a much more effective marketing tool by offering perhaps one package of diapers for – gasp – free. At least the formula people had that one figured out.
I can complement the changes in equipment, but I wish the marketing strategists who complicate our busy lives would rethink their strategies. The Boss does not like my time taken away from him to read copious amounts of mail. As The Boss, he knows best what my priorities should be, and that means the 35-cent coupon has been relegated to the status of burn pile material.
Amy Satterwhite is a reporter for the Standard. She can be reached at 473-2191 or by e-mail at [email protected].