Husband?s flirtatious behavior bothers me

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for three years. We have a good marriage, without major problems.

The problem is that for our entire marriage, “Ted” has made comments about other women. He constantly talks about how attracted he is to them and jokes about how he’d like to have sex with them. He will even say these things to other women right in front of me, which makes me uncomfortable. I feel as if everyone is thinking we must have a lousy marriage and that Ted is not content with me. And if he is doing this in front of me, what does he do when I am not around?

Ted says he is “just joking” and there’s no reason for me to be upset, because I have nothing to worry about. I’ve told him repeatedly that his comments make me feel inadequate and insecure about myself and our marriage, but he continues.

Recently, Ted told me that in the past few weeks, he has been having erotic dreams about other women — and not just faceless women, but women we know. He said he dreamed he had sex with these women in his workplace and even in our home. He insists he has never cheated on me and has no intention of ever doing so, but this kind of behavior makes me wonder.

I have tried not to turn this into a big issue, but it bothers me tremendously. We are both in our early 20s. Is this just a young-guy thing, or should I be concerned? — Worried Wife

Dear Worried: It’s not a young-guy thing, it’s an immature-guy thing. Ted is an emotional adolescent. This doesn’t mean he is looking to cheat, but there is the possibility that another woman will take his comments as an invitation and there could be trouble. Since there is no way to predict whether or not he’ll ever grow up, you have to decide whether he’s worth it as is.