Visit to doctor should be private
Dear Margo: This is a strange question, but I need an unbiased answer. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. (We are 21.) We’re both Christians and had discussed waiting until we were married to sleep together. As it turned out, that didn’t happen.
Recently, I thought I was pregnant because I hadn’t had a period in over 10 weeks. It turned out that I was just stressed out. His mom heard that I had gone to the doctor and asked if I was OK. I stated I was just stressed and hadn’t had my period. She didn’t say anything more.
However, my boyfriend went to visit her last week, and she cornered him and asked if there was a reason I hadn’t had my period! He came right out and told her we are sleeping together. Hello?!?! That’s his mom! I am so embarrassed that I don’t ever want to go over there again.
He said all she said was that we were both mature/old enough to handle this and just wanted to know if we were using protection. Should I be upset that he told his mother, especially when that wasn’t even her question? — Blushing
Dear Blush: In a way, that probably was her question. There’s no reason, however, for you to feel embarrassed or to stop going over there. Her response was not censorious in the least, and I would venture that many parents of adult children just assume there is sexual activity, especially considering that you are both of legal age, with a two-year history of dating. His mother sounds to me like a realistic and cool mom. You are lucky, so chill.
Dear Margo: Same old tagline: Longtime reader, first-time writer who never thought I’d need your help. I was wrong. I’ve recently returned to grad school and am taking classes in the evenings after work. A few weeks ago, I received an e-mail from a man in my class outlining some very intimate details of his love life, following something I had said to him during an in-class discussion. He felt he needed to “explain” more about himself based on my comment.
Although the e-mail made me uncomfortable from the outset, I sent a kind response, thinking that would be it. Well, he started sending regular e-mails asking for details about my personal life. Friends and family told me to ignore them, but then he started asking if he’d done something to offend me. I responded with a curt e-mail that said his messages made me uncomfortable, as we’re both married. I thought that would put an end to it. It didn’t.
When I returned to class, he tried to apologize, once again making me feel uncomfortable by hugging me and putting his face very close to mine. I told the e-mailer not to worry about it, mostly because I was backed into a corner and didn’t know what else to say. A friend and fellow classmate, who knew about the whole problem, interrupted us and pulled me away.
I only have one more week of classes with him, but we are going into the same field and plan to work in the same area. How should I let this guy know that I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship with him, platonic or otherwise? — Scared of My Inbox
Dear Scare: Silence, that is, ignoring him, is one kind of answer. Another is to directly say you wish no further communications from him, and if he does not respect your request, you will have to take things to the next level, with a legal entity reiterating your wishes. You need not be held hostage to some guy who thinks he’d like a little romance on the side.
Dear Margo: I am a student in middle school. A boy (let’s call him Ken) on my bus is, well, a nice way to say it is obnoxious.
To explain: He’s a bit “chubby.” He will say or do anything to get attention, but mostly it’s spouting ridiculous things, but you can’t help feeling sorry for him. He’s usually the target of bullying by the “cool” kids (by cool, I mean stupid).
I overheard Ken saying his father is in jail. A friend, “Kelly,” had the bad luck to sit by him. First, he licked a candy wrapper and rubbed it on Kelly’s hair! Then, he slammed his backpack into the poor girl.
Another friend of mine, “Bob,” told me that Ken threw Bob’s math book and calculator in the garbage. The day before that, Ken looked me straight in the eye and had the nerve to call me lesbian.
Are there ways my friends and I (as well as the whole bus) can deal with Ken? — Annoyed and Confused
Dear An: You seem on the verge of understanding what’s going on, so let me pitch in. This obnoxious, troublemaking kid is fat, made fun of, bullied and ostracized. Can you imagine what it must be like for an overweight kid — especially in your age group — who doesn’t fit in and has a father in prison?
His behavior is meant to get attention and also reflects his deep unhappiness and insecurity as an outsider. A constructive way for you and your friends to deal with Ken would actually be to befriend him. It will take time, but if you all decide to make his life better, not worse, I’m pretty sure his behavior will change . . . and you and your buddies might even feel better about yourselves.
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.