Penknife puts nation on full alert

Some of you may have missed several of my top-notch stories last week in the Southern Standard, and I know it may have been very difficult for some of you. But last week, yours truly took some much-needed vacation time, taking the family on a little journey.

It’s been a long time since I visited the northeast section of the country and since my kids have never been to Washington, D.C., we decided to make the capital city one of our stops.

After leaving the great state of Tennessee, we soon found folks lacking in southern hospitality and the farther north we ventured the more impatient people became. Being born and raised in the south, manners and respecting others is a big part of my southern heritage and quite frankly it’s something I’m very proud of.

For the most part, of all the places we visited, Washington wasn’t too bad when it came to rudeness; in fact it was probably one of the more friendly places we went to.

And no, today’s column isn’t sports-related, but I though some of you might find my adventures in Washington a little interesting and just downright funny.

Here in the south we have certain traditions and one of mine, like most men, is to carry a pocket knife. I’ve carried one since I was 6 or 7 years old, and never thought anything about it. I guess it’s just part of manhood here in the south.

Before I go any further, let me just say people around the capital area don’t appreciate a good pocket knife.

We arranged for a tour of the capital, and as you might except security is very tight ‘ or at least it appears that way. Around every corner or long hallway there’s a security checkpoint, with metal detectors, X-ray equipment, plenty of capital security and even a few secret service agents keeping an eye on those who enter.

We made our way through three checkpoints, emptying my pockets and placing all of my personal items in a tray to be scanned. Each time I placed my pocket knife in the tray and watched as X-ray equipment scanned each piece under the watchful eye of the security personal.

After making our way through the building and through three checkpoints, we headed to the house floor and made our way to the balcony to watch a few minutes of debate between representatives.

Before entering the seating section we had to go through one more security check, leaving all of our personal items with a secret service agent. Not thinking, just before I walked across the security line I pulled out my pocket knife and handed it to the agent.

Bad move.

He quickly informed me I was in violation of federal laws and removed the pocket knife from my possession. To say the least, he wasn’t a very pleasant person to be around. Eventually he let us continue to the gallery, but awaiting me upon our exit was a capital police officer. I tried to break the tension by explaining I was just a country boy from Tennessee where everyone carries a pocket knife, but the agent nor the police officer saw little humor in my remark. Needless to say I learned a big lesson about capital security.

I understand this is no laughing matter and respect all the security measures necessary to keep all of us safe. It was a simple mistake, but I think the secret service agent was more angry that I made it that far without being stopped and I would have walked right through that checkpoint as well if I hadn’t volunteered to produce my pocket knife. In the end everything worked out fine and we had a great time visiting the nation’s capital.