This Mother’s Day, experts offer creative activities for year-round relationship building
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their mommies.? Even after they outgrow the infatuation stage, ?Mom? certainly sets the standard for the other women in their lives. Mother-daughter relationships have perhaps even more stages, and sometimes more ups and downs.
Little girls wanting to emulate their role model play dress up with their mother?s jewelry, heels and make-up. Then, over the next decade, Mom?s glam-factor can fade when she inexplicably becomes an embarrassment to her teenage daughter. Fortunately, a decade or two later, a lot of mothers and daughters become close friends again.
No relationship is quite as primal as the one between a mother and her daughter. Each one craves love and approval from the other, and many may not realize the tremendous influence they have on each other.
?If you have a strong mother-daughter relationship, it strengthens all the other relationships in your life,? said Mary Marcdante, noted mother-daughter relationship expert, inspirational speaker and author of ?My Mother, My Friend.? In her research, Marcdante interviewed 400 mothers and daughters to help provide women with the skills, confidence and language to deepen their mother-daughter relationships.
What means the most to mothers? ?Appreciation? is the one quality moms crave most from their families, Marcdante found.
Mother?s Day Can Provide Springboard for Expressing Appreciation
Mother?s Day, which falls on Sunday, May 13, is certainly a day when more daughters and sons will put into words and actions their appreciation for their moms. Mother?s Day is a top day for phone calls, flowers and restaurant reservations, but what moms want most is an emotional connection and quality time.
Mother?s Day cards often take on the meaningful role of expressing thanks and praise that too often go unsaid during the year.
?Children of all ages, and especially grown children, want to express thankfulness, appreciation and even amazement for all moms do at home and even outside of the home. The challenge for us is they want to say it in a way that is comfortable for their age, their personal style and their relationship with Mom,? said American Greetings card writer and editor Carolyn Koesters, who is
part of a team that created new
Mother?s Day cards for the company.
?In addition to gathering outside research as we developed the new cards, our team looked to our own relationships with our moms and our kids for inspiration.?
The new generation of American Greetings Mother?s Day cards recognizes all the roles moms play, from CEO of the family to personal shopper and life coach, with clever messages like, ?You?re an inspiration to superheroes everywhere? and ?You should consider franchising.?
Other cards in the Mother?s Day line include those for expectant moms and a card from teens, acknowledging their moods and messy rooms by saying, ?just close the door, Mom …?
Daughters Are Mothers, Too
As an adult daughter becomes a parent and Mom takes on the role of grandmother, the mother-daughter bond often deepens. One of the special ways mothers can express love and support is through a special Mother?s Day card for their daughters. One card from American Greetings features a sketch of a career woman juggling her briefcase while talking on her cell with a cityscape in the background with the message: ?Day planner in hand, cell phone in your ear, meetings on your mind, home and family in your heart … Daughter, you do it all so well.? Other cards depict modern moms sipping lattes and shopping and feature messages that compliment their prowess at scheduling and balancing home and work life.
For adult mothers and daughters who share a close connection like that of friends, illustrations depict moms lunching or shopping with their adult daughters and with wording like, ?Give a girl a great mom and she can do anything,? and ?So much of the woman I am is because of the mother you are. Thanks, Mom.?
It?s a fact of life that parental relationships have their ups and downs. Many of today?s Mother?s Day cards even celebrate generational clashes with messages like ?Mom you taught me that you didn?t always have to understand me or agree with my decisions in order to love me.?
It?s the mother-daughter relationship that often takes center stage on Mother?s Day. Daughters plan the special surprises of the day ? reflecting both the special bond and the younger generation?s acceptance of ?holiday keeper,? as just one of the many roles they learned from Mom.
Actions Show Mom You Care
In addition to showing appreciation with cards and gifts, Mother?s Day can also be a great time for relationship building. At what point do a mother and daughter become friends? For some women, it?s after they have married or had a child. For Mary Marcdante, it was the diagnosis of her mother?s ovarian cancer. Mary explained ?From the moment I learned of the diagnosis until Mom?s death, I felt like
I was in graduate school, cramming the night before finals for a course called: ?Everything You?ve Always Wanted to Know About Your Mother and Forgot to Ask.? This experience prompted me to write my book to help others strengthen, heal and
celebrate their relationships with their mothers.?
Marcdante?s research revealed that the things moms want most from their daughters are: time together, kindness in words and actions, captured memories, and personal services that improve the quality of life.
She offered these suggestions for mother-daughter activities for Mother?s Day or for any day:
Make a Scrapbook Together ? Preserve treasured photos and honor memories through this wonderful outlet of creativity and self-expression. It could be a ?progressive scrapbook? in which mother and daughter contribute alternate pages. Or start the book with this year?s Mother?s Day card, photos and memories, and plan to add new pages annually.
Spa Days ? Moms and daughters can pamper themselves together, scheduling manicures, pedicures, facials and massage.
Record Favorite Memories of Mom ? Whether in the form of a written journal, a memory box filled with keepsakes and photos or an audio or video recording, honor treasured moments together.
Make an ?Altered Book? ? My sister asked her grown children for an altered book for Christmas. They took a favorite printed book and added their own photographs, poems and thoughts.
Send Gratitude E-mails ? One year my friend Dianne and I shared the things we were grateful for in daily e-mails. For her birthday the following year I presented the e-mails to her in a journal. We both cried!
Throw a Surprise Party ? Honor Mom with a surprise party inviting family and friends on Mother?s Day, her birthday or any day.
Schedule ?Mom & Me Time? ? Whether it?s attending a performance, a walk in the woods or a day trip, schedule quality time together.
Four Seasons of Fun ? Make outings a regular thing by scheduling one for each season … gardening in the spring, picnicking at the beach in the summer, pumpkin picking in the fall or antiquing in the winter. Don?t wait for a crisis or Mother?s Day to spend time with Mom.
Recipes for Smiles ? Put together a collection of recipe cards, adding to each favorite dish memories of a time with Mom.