Domestic violence about dominance, police say

The overwhelming and long-reaching effects of domestic violence and stalking was on the agenda Thursday night for the members of the Citizens Police Academy. The class addressed misunderstood and easily overlooked acts in today?s society.

Domestic violence it is not confined to any ethnicity or socio-economic levels. It is not isolated to big cities or rural areas.

In the last 12 months, there were 458 domestic calls received by 911 in Warren County. These calls are categorized as domestic verbal, domestic weapon or domestic physical. In 2006, there were 248 actual domestic crimes that ended in reports and investigations.

Domestic violence relationships aren?t born. Instead, they are a progression of psychological intimidation, isolation and a violation of both a mental and physical nature in order for one person to gain physical and mental control of another.

In the case of domestic violence, the relationship doesn?t start off violent. As explained by Det. Bill Davis, it is a cycle of mental and physical intimidation combined with periods of ?a honeymoon stage? in between.

?The first thing that will happen is I?ll treat you like a queen and you?ll think I?m the best thing that ever happened to you,? said Davis explaining what goes on inside the mind of a controlling personality. ?Then I?ll yell at you. Immediately after I?ll apologize and make some excuse and then we will go through a honeymoon stage again. Then will come the shoving or pushing followed by another honeymoon stage.?

At that stage in the relationship, the hitting will start. That first hit is a test that the victim can either pass or fail. In the offender?s mind, passing the test is what they want.

?That first hit is a threshold,? said Davis. ?If she stays, then I know it?s OK. Once she stays, the violence will get worse and worse. Guess what I?ll do then??

At that point in an abusive relationship the person gaining control will begin to isolate their victim from everyone. The victim will be asked to quit their job and the isolation from any family or friends that might interfere will begin.

After that, the victim will feel trapped in the relationship with no way out. At this stage they are unable to go anywhere, they have no money and they have no one to reach out to except the one who is in control. At that point, the threats of death will begin, and if it hasn?t already, sexual assault.

The victims, which can be either men or women, stay because they are fearful, isolated, beaten down and alone. During this process they have lost all self-esteem and they are ashamed of what has and continues to happen.

?Don?t turn your back on these people because you might save a life,? said Ptl. Lisa Norris. ?They will try and push you away. If you lose a friend trying to save a friend, then that?s fine. At least you did all you can do.?

Also involved in domestic abuse are children. When it comes to domestic abuse on a spouse, the physical and mental abuse usually extends to children within the home.

Even if they are not physically abused, children who witness the abuse often have low self-esteem, feel anxious and fearful much of the time, misunderstand the actions of others, become withdrawn and confused, and have difficulty getting along with other children.

Statistically, 1-in-4 women have been involved in a domestic abuse situation at least one time in their life. That number rises to 1-in-12 women, in regards to stalking, and 1-in-45 men.

Stalking can occur if the victim attempts to leave the relationship. Stalking, although different from domestic violence, is an act of control and can lead to an act of violence if allowed to continue.

Intimate partner stalkers are generally known to the victim as an ex-husband or boyfriend that won?t let the relationship go. These stalkers are emotionally and physically abusive during a relationship, and when the relationship ends, they don?t want to lose that control.

Stalkers can range from someone known to the victim to someone unknown. Some stalkers may have had little to no direct contact with their victims. Although all stalkers can become violent, stalkers who do not know their victims before the stalking began are generally more mentally disturbed.

There are places that victims of domestic violence can turn to for help. Families in Crisis, a local shelter for victims of domestic abuse, can be reached by calling 473-6221, and don?t forget 911.