Annie?s Mailbox – Ways to stay connected to grandma
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married five years and have two toddlers. I am a working mother, and with that comes much guilt for being away from my children during the day. My husband and I try to spend as much non-working time with our children as possible. We do not go out unless our children are allowed to accompany us.
My widowed mother-in-law lives two hours away and likes to visit often. She is a kind woman, but gets frustrated when we don’t spend as much time with her as she thinks we should. She was upset that we stayed only two days at Christmas. We were with her at Thanksgiving, so it wasn’t like we hadn’t seen her.
Mom’s job allows her many long weekends, and when she comes to see us, she likes to stay until Monday morning, when we have to go to work. Not to mention, our weekends are very valuable to us as a family. It’s the main time we get to spend with our kids. My husband agrees, but he is uncomfortable saying anything to his mother.
She once told me she thought we should spend one weekend a month at her house, and she would come to us one weekend a month. I think this is too much. Is that terrible of me? We only see my family a few times a year.
How can I approach this without living in her doghouse for the rest of my life? ? Guilt From All Angles in the Midwest
Dear Midwest: It is your husband’s job to let his mother know she must respect your family’s private time. But try to understand that she, too, wants to be with her child (your husband) and her grandchildren. Consider videotaping the kids and sending Mom regular updates. You can even install a camera on your computer and hers, and let her interact with the children in real time ? from a distance. Five minutes a day could save you countless visits per year, guilt-free.
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 60 years.
He is very kind and helpful, but he likes to give advice to everyone, whether he is asked for it or not. It is making me angry, and I am often embarrassed because of it. If I confront him about his behavior, he gets mad and it turns into an argument.
He’s always been like this, but with aging, it’s gotten worse and bothers me more. Is there anything I can do? ? Married to Annie’s Mailbox
Dear Married: Is his advice any good? Suggest he start putting his ideas into a book. It will keep him occupied, and who knows ? maybe he can sell it. Other than that, you’d best grin and bear it. After 60 years, he’s not going to change.
Dear Annie: I am writing in response to “Still Young,” whose 71-year-old mother wants a part-time job. I will be 71 in a couple of weeks and work as a receptionist for the State of Oregon House of Representatives. I love my job. It is fun, interesting and very rewarding. Three other receptionists are older than I am. We look forward to working, and we greet everybody with a smile.
When the Legislature is not in session, we volunteer in Visitor Services at the State Capitol. By being out in the public, working or volunteering, we stay young and our brains keep working.
If her mother likes working and enjoys her job, she will stay healthier. It is a known fact that seniors who keep busy live longer. My husband is 82 and still working in a very demanding physical job. He acts like he’s 60. ? Shirley in Salem, Ore.
Dear Shirley: We are truly impressed with the variety and difficulty of the jobs held by our over-70 readers. And if it improves your health at the same time, we are all in favor.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.