Can you tell me about funeral etiquette?
Dear Annie: Is there any etiquette for whether or not to attend a funeral? I saw a death notice for the father of a high school friend. We were just casual friends back then (the ’60s) and had only seen each other at a few reunions since, but I decided to attend anyway.
My friend got very upset when she saw me and accused me of invading her privacy.
I never thought of it that way. Was I wrong? ? Sorry For Being Sorry
Dear Sorry: Unless a death notice states that the funeral is private, most mourners appreciate having others attend. It shows respect for the deceased, and they often are gratified to know that old friends remember the family. If there is no bad blood between you, we have no idea why your friend was so angry. We’d chalk it up to grief and let it pass.
Dear Annie: “Outlaws in Iowa” said her children were being snubbed by her mother-in-law. That letter could have been written by my daughter-in-law. Maybe she should ask herself how well-behaved her children are.
Our grandchildren shove their way through the front door and run yelling through our home. They whine, tattle, argue, cry and beg. They snoop through drawers, take cushions off the sofa, leave their clothes everywhere and jump on the beds. Things are borrowed without asking, then forgotten or lost. They eat like pigs and spill food at every meal. By the time they leave, I have a splitting headache.
My son and daughter-in-law are oblivious to the commotion and become defensive when I mention it. Loud, unruly children are not welcome, even if they are grandchildren. Maybe Grandma is a mean-spirited old crab, but maybe she has her reasons. ? Another Grandma With Favorites
Dear Grandma: We know it’s hard to be with grandchildren who are unruly, but that’s no excuse to indulge some of the kids with time and gifts, while ignoring the others. If you want the grandkids to behave better in your house, insist on rules. If you can’t enforce them, arrange to see the children elsewhere. Don’t punish the grandchildren because their parents never taught them manners. YOU teach them.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.